I guess we've established that I'll be doing a quarterly life update instead of monthly. Your girl has the attention span of a 5-year-old, emotional burst-outs like a 16-year-old and spends her time like she's a massive workaholic (wake up, work work work, go home, sleep)—she's not a workaholic. I love writing here because it summarises everything that has been happening to me, and is also at my fingertips. Journaling is one thing, I do that too, but sometimes it's too much, and I usually just do a brain (emotional—more like a trauma) dump instead of summarising my life. It's important TO ME that I document my life because of my Dory brain and my need of nostalgizing life every now and then. So here's what you missed on gLeE mE...
Mid-year freakout
Surprisingly, I still work at my first job, whereas ALL of my friends have left one by one. I freak out over this at least once a week, and it has been taking a toll on me for a while. I've cry-called my mother more times than I want to admit, embarrassingly. I watch my friends moving on with their lives and growing, and I don't feel like I'm growing in the same trajectory as them. My growth feels... rather... slow. And my life also feels slow. So I am having a mid-year crisis, let's see if I'll get over it by the next quarter.
Rewatching my favourite movies/TV series
I don't remember if I've ever written about this, but I love rewatching stuff (which is why I'm on an eternal Friends rewatch—sucks that it's not on Netflix or Disney anymore). It's easy to digest the things you've seen, you get to relive your favourite scenes again and again, and sometimes you get to have a perspective you didn't have the first time around. It's comforting, you don't tend to do a watch marathon (which is great but takes a toll on your sleep and eyes). These days, I'm rewatching Modern Family, New Girl, Brooklyn Nine-Nine and sometimes, How I Met Your Mother. And during my long holiday in June, I was on a full-on Marvel marathon, which re-established my love for Guardians of the Galaxy, Loki (the character) and Tony Stark.
Relearning to love myself
Sometimes when a big change happens in your life, this whole version of you shatters into small pieces, beyond repair. The harsh truth is that you will never get this version back. You will need to rebuild everything that was shattered from scratch, and it will not look quite the same as the one before. This new version of you might be hard to love when you spent years and years to like even that good-enough past self, but with time, you'll see what to love in this new version and accept it somehow. And that's kinda the process I'm currently in, and it's super hard.
Pieces I've been loving lately...
2. are you emotionally detached or are you just protecting yourself? - good damage
3. Untuk Dunia, Cinta Dan Kotornya by Nadin Amizah
I need to read and consume quality content more, but these days I just can't. Not even my favourite books. Not even my favourite content creators, not even my favourite musicians and writers. My days have turned into this blurry, grey ball of nothings; my tomorrows just echo from my yesterdays. Everything feels stagnant, to be honest; my feet deep in dirt, heart too scared to jump out, not knowing where I might end up... This post is kind of my "TAKE A BREATH" moment.
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