Nabila

Title: The Cheerleaders
Author: Kara Thomas
Publication: July 31st 2018 by Delacorte Press
Pages: 384
Genre: YA, contemporary, mystery, thriller
Standalone / Series

mentions of suicide, abortion, domestic violence, depression, murder, statutory rape, pedophilic man, underage drinking, drug use

This book is a real hit or miss book. Luckily, it was a hit for me. Kara Thomas's books do that to me every single time. It wasn't what I expected when I started reading the book, but still, the plot-line was absolutely amazing. I haven't given any of the Young Adult Thriller/Mystery books that I had read 5 stars, so since I gave this 4 stars, this book was one of the best YA mysteries I have ever read. This book brought me out of my reading slump, so yes, it was a good book. If you have ever read her other books before, The Cheerleaders is the best out of all YA mysteries she had written.

The narrative is the usual narrative voice of any good YA book and it was really easy to get into. In this book, we primarily see the story from Monica, the main character's point of view. There are also some chapters from Jennifer's point of view a few weeks leading to her death. Since Monica is a teenager, the narrative is very YA-ish; with the teenage angst, immaturity here and there but also full of determination to find the truth. 

What I really loved about this book was, of course, the mystery aspect. It was really hard to put this book down because of the mystery. I kept guessing on who the murderer was, but the next chapters made me question my guess. The way the story started also creeped me out, I had to stop reading at 1.30 AM, I don't usually get scared reading YA thrillers. It kept me on the edge majority of the time I was reading and when any mystery/thriller book does that to you, it means that the author did well in writing the book. 

Another thing that I absolutely loved about this book was how YA it was (yup I just made it an adjective). Out of all the books Thomas had written before, this is the most YA; with all the things that Jennifer went through before her death and what Monica went through after her sister's death. Friendship issues, mental illness and problematic love relationships are huge issues in this book. My heart broke in several chapters. 

I hiccup. Gulp for air. My mother says my name again; she grabs me and holds my head to her shoulder. She rocks me like a child and lets me cry. "I hate who I am. I hate myself so much." "Monica," she says, still cradling me. "Even at your worst, I love you more than life itself."

Right there, the sentence that is in bold. I FELT THAT. I did feel that for a lot of personal reasons but it also felt so good seeing Monica showered with love after everything she went through. Although there is still a big room for improvement in the family dynamic, this part has shown a huge development since the first chapter.

For character development, there wasn't a huge development. The characters mostly developed through friendship, especially Monica and Ginny. I love how their friendship grows and how Monica changed after she became friends with Ginny. I adore Monica and Ginny in action; it reminded me of Betty from Riverdale (guilty pleasure, anyone?). It was realistic for them to investigate using Facebook, the yearbook and the library since they are just two teenagers. I also loved that while Monica and Ginny's friendship is blossoming, Monica's friendship with her other friends wasn't hugely affected. I hate when that happens in YA.

There are a lot of characters that have a huge potential to be more in this book though, making me give this book 3 points something, close to 4 stars. It wasn't just the characters, there were a lot of parts from this book that can be developed into more but nonetheless, the plot was well done by the author.

There are some other quotes that I really love from this book:

But after a while, searching for the answers felt like grasping around in the dark. At some point, you have to choose to live in the light.

Everyone goes through shit, and there’s always someone somewhere who has it worse. It doesn’t make what you’re feeling any less real or any less shitty.

Overall, this book is a great YA Thriller/Mystery for everyone who enjoys reading YA and is in need to read a light mystery/thriller book. There wasn't any fluffy romance subplot so if you enjoy reading a romance-free book, this book is a book for you😊

General life updates

Personal growth

My September (autumn) playlist

pardon my lack of photo-taking skill

A powerful display of empathy and friendship from the #1 New York Times Bestselling author of If I Stay. Around the time that Freya loses her voice while recording her debut album, Harun is making plans to run away from home to find the boy that he loves, and Nathaniel is arriving in New York City after a family tragedy leaves him isolated on the outskirts of Washington state. After the three of them collide in Central Park, they slowly reveal the parts of their past that they haven't been able to confront, and together, they find their way back to who they're supposed to be. Told over the course of a single day from three different perspectives, Gayle Forman's newest novel about the power of friendship and being true to who you are is filled with the elegant prose that her fans have come to know and love.

For seven-year-old Raami, the shattering end of childhood begins with the footsteps of her father returning home in the early dawn hours bringing details of the civil war that has overwhelmed the streets of Phnom Penh, Cambodia's capital. Soon the family's world of carefully guarded royal privilege is swept up in the chaos of revolution and forced exodus. Over the next four years, as she endures the deaths of family members, starvation, and brutal forced labor, Raami clings to the only remaining vestige of childhood - the mythical legends and poems told to her by her father. In a climate of systematic violence where memory is sickness and justification for execution, Raami fights for her improbable survival.

Ilmu agama ini umpama senjata yang boleh dimiliki sesiapa. Jika jatuh ke tangan yang baik, akan digunakan untuk menyerang yang jahat. Namun jika jatuh ke tangan yang jahat, akan digunakan untuk memusnahkan yang baik. Berlatarkan era ala-ala klasik (but on my opinion, it actually isn't), mengisahkan pemuda-pemuda yang terpilih memasuki sebuah madrasah. Ia menceritakan tentang kehidupan di madrasah, latihan yang mereka jalani untuk menjadi pegawai kesultanan, peraturan-peraturan, dan juga pelbagai golongan pelatih. Ada yang menggunakan ilmu agama Islam untuk perkara-perkara kebaikan, dan ada yang menjadi 'penunggang agama' dan menggunakan Islam untuk kepentingan sendiri. 

Let me tell you a story. No, wait. One's not enough. I'll begin again. Let me tell you stories of the months of the year, of ghosts and heartbreak, of dread and desire. Of after-after hours drinking and unanswered phones, of good deeds and bad days, of trusting wolves and how to talk to girls at parties. There are stories within stories, whispered in the quiet of night, shouted above the roar of the day, and played out between lovers and enemies, strangers and friends. But all, all are fragile things made of just 26 letters arranged and rearranged to form tales which will dazzle your senses, haunt your imagination and move you to the very depths of your soul.

Letters to God is about a journey of a young girl named Sarah in trying to find her footing in a challenging world. An introvert by nature, Sarah struggles to balance her work, life and her spiritual longing while trying to adapt to her new surroundings. She found friendship along the way and also experienced hostility and heartache. Not knowing who to turn to, she decided to rant and rave to her Creator. 
This is a story of how a young girl, who made a decision to write letters to God, telling Him of all her worries, and pain. She believes that one can talk to God at any time, any place, even outside prayers.
Did Sarah find solace?
Or did she continue to be lost?

Dia hebat kerana dia tidak sempurna...
Mengisahkan Naira, si gadis garang dan selalu berwajah masam yang tidak percaya pada lelaki yang cuba mendekatinya dan Iqbal Raid yang dikatakan hantu yang suka menganggu hidupnya. Macam-macam cara Raid cuba untuk berbaik-baik dengan Naira. Raid selalu ada bila Naira susah dan bermasalah. Dia sanggup buat apa saja, berkorban segalanya untuk Naira dan tidak lari seperti lelaki lain. Hasilnya, Raid yang dikatakan miring dan hantu itulah yang Naira rindu. Tidak mahu bercinta sebelum nikah, Naira setuju kahwin segera walau dibantah oleh abang kandung sendiri, Mirza. 
Musim bulan madu berlalu dengan indah, baru terbongkar satu per satu rahsia Raid yang penuh misteri. Ketika itu, bolehkah Naira menerima Raid seadanya? Apakah kesudahan rumahtangga mereka? Terus bahagia atau sebaliknya? 

Afghanistan, 1952. Abdullah and his sister Pari live with their father and stepmother in the small village of Shadbagh. Their father, Saboor, is constantly in search of work and they struggle together through poverty and brutal winters. To Abdullah, Pari - as beautiful and sweet-natured as the fairy for which she was named - is everything. 
More like a parent than a brother, Abdullah will do anything for her, even trading his only pair of shoes for a feather for her treasured collection. Each night they sleep together in their cot, their heads touching, their limbs tangled. One day the siblings journey across the desert to Kabul with their father. Pari and Abdullah have no sense of the fate that awaits them there, for the event which unfolds will tear their lives apart; sometimes a finger must be cut to save the hand. 
Crossing generations and continents, moving from Kabul, to Paris, to San Francisco, to the Greek island of Tinos, with profound wisdom, depth, insight and compassion, Khaled Hosseini writes about the bonds that define us and shape our lives, the ways in which we help our loved ones in need, how the choices we make resonate through history and how we are often surprised by the people closest to us.

Despite sending him letters ever since she was thirteen, Taliah Abdallat never thought she'd ever really meet Julian Oliver. But one day, while her mother is out of the country, the famed rock star from Staring Into the Abyss shows up on her doorstep. This makes sense - kinda - because Julian Oliver is Taliah's father, even though her mother would never admit it to her.
Julian asks if Taliah if she will drop everything and go with him to his hometown of Oak Falls, Indiana, to meet his father - her grandfather - who is nearing the end of his life. Taliah, torn between betraying her mother's trust and meeting the family she has never known, goes.
With her best friend Harlow by her side, Taliah embarks on a three-day journey to find out everything about her 'father' and her family. But Julian isn't the father Taliah always hoped for, and revelations about her mother's past are seriously shaking her foundation. Through all these new experiences, Taliah will have to find new ways to be true to herself, honoring her past and her future.

This post had been mereput in my draft even since before I started school again because I was thinking "I'm gonna post this when I start school again" but whenever I start writing it feels like what I wrote is boring. Hence, I kept typing and deleting over and over again. Moreover, I feel like it's too early to describe how it feels like to be a student when I just started school for like a month. Now that I already entered the second month of studying, I feel like I'm ready (tbh I'm never gonna be ready but hey whatever) to write this. So, to sum up, the best things about becoming a student again are:


1. My tutorial group mates are the best classmates ever.

Language 9 Class. Half of Tutorial 7.

Seriously there's no decent picture of T7.

When I first came to UMS, I was so worried about how I'm going to find friends, socialize and not be awkward. Little did I know that I would be in the loudest tutorial group here. Only Allah knows how grateful I am to know these people who always make me smile and laugh. The memes they shared in our WhatsApp group, the way they never want to make anyone feels left behind, how happy they make me, the person I am when I'm with them; I love these. I hope that the bond between us will strengthen with time and when we separate, we'll remember this part of our lives as one of the best.


2. Beautiful views everyday.

View from the corridor outside my room.

Displacement, d, that the students use from FSSA to kiosk.

Tasik berhantu indah damai menenangkan tepi FSSA.

The lane from UMS Aquarium to ODEC sea.

I know that some people might say "eleh banyak lagi tempat cantik, UMS tu biasa-biasa ja" but you can say what you wanna say, UMS will always be in my heart *play UMS Bertekad Cemerlang*

3. Volunteering!

Volunteering has been my passion for so long, but before this, I only volunteered to be on of the facilitators at motivation programs for primary school pupils. Before school started, I knew that there would be plenty of volunteering programs that I could join when I start my degree, but little did I know that I could start volunteering even before I start my degree. I was so happy when one of our lecturers offered us to be volunteers for guiding the tourists that come to UMS Mosque! So far, I had only volunteered 4 times (have I told you how packed my schedule is), and each time, it was so engaging.

4. The lessons.

To be perfectly honest, I don't actually have the spirit to study anymore. I'm studying just for my future, for my family's future. Studying is too tiring for me, even when I already had 6 months holiday. However, here, learning is so much more exciting and interesting. It's a new surrounding, and there are some new ways of learning that I never tried before. The lessons, although some are only repetition from what I've learned from secondary school, are packed of interesting things to learn.

Yesterday was the hardest day of my almost 3 weeks in UMS. I was supposed to go home, I was terribly homesick (but no one else knows), feeling so lonely even when I'm having fun with my friends, stressed out because of the workload. I adapted okay with my uni life, but I needed to be home to refresh myself. I prepared everything the night before; do my laundry, tidy up my closet and packed, and when I woke up in the morning, there was something that made me couldn't go home.

I was feeling down all day. I smiled and laughed with my friends but in my mind, all I could hear was "you can't go home, you can't go home, you'll stay here until November without going home." It was terrible. My brain is the most toxic organ in my body (lol what kind of statement is this). When I got to the residential college, I went straight to the surau at my block because there was no one there and cried hard. I missed home so much and my parents and my friends. I cried for about an hour and a half and then went back to my room and slept.

When I woke up, I didn't feel like doing anything. I didn't feel like eating at all even when I haven't eat anything since the night before. I felt like lying on my bed and not showering and not doing anything. It was The symptoms. I had been this state before, so I knew it very well. No appetite, lose interest in everything, not caring about anything in my life, heavy heart. I don't do self-diagnose, but I knew I was on the verge of a breakdown.



I was scared to end up that way again. The last time I had a breakdown was when I was in form 4, and I was so behind in my studies for about 5 months. Hence, yesterday, I did what I could to not fall into the same hole. I got up from my bed, went to shower, do my little laundry, and texted one of my friends to bring me to cafe to eat. Then, I did my Asr prayer, and prayed to Allah to get me out of the darkness. Just that. I wanted to get out of  negativity.

Here's what changed everything: my friend replied to me a few hours after that and asked me to go eat with her. And she asked, whether I will go to the KULSEM (Kuliah Sepuluh Minit) at the mosque. I knew that I need to 'feed my soul' with something or else I would really have a breakdown because even my favorite 'healing' playlist couldn't help me. Then I said yes to KULSEM. When I went to the mosque and the sharing started, there were only 4 of us. It was weird for me, because before when I was still in secondary school, people always fill the mosque to the sharing (because it was compulsory).


The theme of the sharing was Dengan Nama-Mu Aku Hidup. I thought it was just like another repetitive theme, just another common sharing. It was not. The nice sister started the sharing by this ayah:

Allah (is the) Protecting Guardian (of) those who believe[d]. He brings them out from [the] darkness towards [the] light. And those who disbelieve(d) their guardians (are) the evil ones, they bring them out from the light towards [the] darkness. Those (are the) companions (of) the Fire, they in it will abide forever. (2: 257)

That ayah, especially the part that I typed in bold, hits me hard and make me feel so loved. The sister said this "You guys are the believers that Allah cared so much about and protect. He made your hearts want to go to this sharing even when you have to walk so far." In my mind, it wasn't just that. Allah just granted my wish. He just got me out of the darkness. He showed how much He loves me. I was on the verge of falling again and Allah protected me from doing that. All I wanted to during that sharing was cry and hug the sister but I didn't because it would be weird lol.

I am so lucky, because things like this rarely happen to people. I know that a lot of people had been in this way and it was so hard for them to get up when they're falling. I'm still feeling down, but not as much as I was yesterday. A breakdown isn't easy to cure, it's still hard for me, but Alhamdulillah, I still have the strength to fight it.

Honestly, hating acting isn't the only reason I don't want to play Juliet. The other reason is, I'm not Juliet. I'm not the girl in the center of the stage at the end of a love story. I'm the girl before, the girl guys date right before they find their true love. Every one of my relationships ends exactly the same.

Title: Always Never Yours
Author: Emily Wibberley & Austin Siegemund-Broka
Publication: May 22nd 2018 by Speak
Pages: 352
Genre: Young adult, contemporary, romance
Standalone/Series

credit

Currently listening to: Youth - Shawn Mendes


The UPU result was announced on May 21st and alhamdulillah, I got the first option I applied for, which was Universiti Malaysia Sabah (UMS) Science Foundation. I was happy, but I was confused too. I was supposed to go to Labuan Matriculation College the next day, and I prepared everything already, I paid for everything, it was tiring and I just didn't want to start over again. However, after I think about it again and again, I decided to just go to UMS. It's close to home, introduce me to uni life, the good things about going there outweigh the bad ones.

Hence, I'm going to school again on June 20th. Excited? Of course I am. I've been doing nothing at home aside from what I said in my last post. It gets boring and I feel so unproductive no matter what I do. I miss the busy life as a student though it's tiring. I'm excited about meeting new people, living at dorm, studying at a university, being near to a mall (because there's no mall at my hometown), living in a city, and just studying again. The thought of studying again puts a new spirit in me.



These days though, I'm more scared and nervous than excited. First of all, because I'm gonna be studying math again. I was truly traumatized by the add math question on SPM last year, no exaggerating. When I was answering the questions, I felt like I was so stupid and I never learned anything about add math when I already spent almost 2 years learning add math. Although I never make a mental note to study math again, I was traumatized enough that it still haunts me today.

The other reason I'm scared is, I'm afraid if I start to hate science when I'm studying it. To be honest, when I was applying for UPU, I was torn between TESL and science foundation. I love English language, everything about it. I love learning it, I love writing and reading. When I started 2017, I was only thinking about applying for TESL after SPM. And then there's science. I've been learning science for 2 years, it was so hard when I wasn't really interested on science to begin with. However, I managed to get a good result for my science subjects and an okay result for my add math. My ambition also changes from time to time and the job I want always revolves around science. My parents also convinced me that even if I don't learn English, I can still write. Maybe that convinced me to further my study in science.



But hey, people say that being nervous isn't bad, it just means something important is happening. So maybe me being nervous isn't that bad, right?


Love,
Pypaa. xo

It has been so long since I posted anything here. Sure, I miss blogging a lot but when you're on a serious writing block, no "What To Write When You're Having Writing Block" can ever help you. I finished secondary school last year (read: post-SPM) and before SPM, I actually have a lot of things I wanted to do after SPM. I even wrote it in my journal for god sake, and I only managed to do 1/3 of the things on my list. And now when my holiday is coming to an end, all of a sudden I finally have the spirit to write and do a lot of things. Me is mengada.

So, what have I done during my 5 months holiday that is coming to an end?


01. Finish some TV shows and k-dramas

Although I think that I haven't finish as many shows as I wanted, I think it's enough, considering some of the shows are in series and there were k-dramas that had more than 20 episodes. Some of the shows I finished that are my favorites are:

1. I'm Not A Robot (32 episodes k-drama) This is one of the fluffiest and most heartwarming dramas I've ever watched💗 The actors and actresses really did a good job!
2. Rebel: Thief Who Stole The People (30 episodes k-drama) YOU HAVE TO WATCH THIS IF YOU LOVE KOREAN HISTORICAL DRAMAS!
3. Stranger Things (2 seasons) People say it's scary so I wanted to watch it. It didn't really scare me but the show was so good. I'm a big fan of the show🙆
4. Marvel's Agent Carter (2 seasons) Agent Carter is such a badass and totally a Marvel woman icon🙌💥
5. A Love So Beautiful (23 episodes c-drama) Because Jiang Chen's face is similar to my crush's face 🙊
6. A Korean's Odyssey (20 episodes k-drama) Made me laugh and cry in the same time. Tear my heart to pieces then put it all back together.
7. Friends (10 seasons) My most favorite out of all the TV shows I've watched💜💛💚💙 This is a very hyped TV show so I wanted to see what was the hype all about and I was hooked to the show since the first episode because it made me hysterically laugh.


Still watching: Riverdale, The 100, Strong Woman Do Bong Soon, Marvel's Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D

Honorable mentions: The Great Seducer, School 2013, School 2017, Pretty Little Liars, Suspicious Partner


02. Get a driving license

I mentioned in one of my last posts before this that I was getting a driving license. Alhamdulillah, I managed to pass the JPJ test and now I'm a legal driver. I got my driving lesson less than a month and I really thought I won't pass but I passed!  I'm still scared to drive on a busy road, so now I'm just trying to get used to driving on a big but quiet road. Recently I drove to my father's workplace in a rural area. Half of the road on the way there are still unpaved and it was so challenging for me. Luckily, I managed to drive back home alone although I cried a bit in the beginning because it was the first time I drive alone.


03. Finish some books

This is one of the things that I really hoped I can tick off from my list. However, I couldn't because I only read 21 books since I started holiday, lesser than my goal: 30. It's close, though. Maybe I can read more books before I start school again. My favorites out of all the books I read during holiday:


1. Note to Self - Connor Franta (non fiction, ★★★★★)
2. The Hate U Give - Angie Thomas (contemporary, YA, racism issue, ★★★★★)
3. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire & Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix (fantasy, children literature, ★★★★★)
4. Satu - Hamka Kereta Mayat, Arlina Banana, Paola Kira Ewusi, Riduan A. Dullah (short stories, contemporary, ★★★★)
5. Far From the Tree - Robin Benway (contemporary, YA, family issue, ★★★★★)


04. Declutter and reorganize my closet

This is in my top priority list before starting school. I always reorganize my closet, but I only declutter my clothes once a year because it is too much work. I need to classify my clothes to which ruined clothes that can still be fixed, which clothes are still good but I don't want anymore, which clothes can just be thrown into the trash. Too. Much. Work.


05. Voluntary babysitting

Half of the gang; the all boys group.

I've been staying at my grandmother's house since last month. I've only been back home for two days. When I was staying at my grandmother's house, my uncle always sent his youngest child for us to babysit. I also have other little cousins that can be such a headache (but they are cute and adorable and nice to play with so that's okay) to take care of sometimes when their parents are busy. And also worth a mention here, my little brothers.


Sigh. I'm going to bid my holiday farewell soon and I'm going to miss it a lot. I'm going to miss the routine although my holiday routine is actually pretty boring. My holiday wasn't how I expected it to be but it allowed me to take a break from being tired after struggling for my study. Now that my holiday is coming to an end, I'm kinda nervous about what's next. What's going to happen during my uni life and I'm also nervous about studying again because seriously, my brain is 'rusty' already. I hope it'll be just fine.

That's all from me today, goodbye 😊

Love,
Pypaa. xo

Assalamualaikum and hello people. As you all know the holiest month of the year has finally come again. Alhamdulillah, praise to Allah, we are all given the chance to meet this month again. Time flies so fast, isn't it? Last year, I was fasting as a student and all my activities were still controlled by the school. Some of you might not know that I was a religious school student. So, every year during Ramadan, the school will organize a lot of activities so that the month won't be wasted. This is the first year I'm going to spend Ramadan with my own schedule and I'm quite excited to be honest.

In this post, there are some tips that I used from the years before and some that I haven't try but want to. So, these tips are specifically written to my fellow muslims.


1. Suhoor (Sahur): Prepare some food and water beside your bed in case you wake up late.

Missing a suhoor is a very common mistake people always do during Ramadan. When you miss a suhoor, you might not have enough energy to do a lot of things during the day, making you less productive. Some people might suffer with gastritis and end up breaking his/her fast because it's harmful to the body if s/he keeps fasting.

Hence, what you can do to not miss a suhoor is, prepare a bottle of water and some snacks beside your bed so that when your alarm rings the first time, you can easily reach for the foods and even eat while you're still lying on your bed jenis kemalasan apakah ini.

tbh, I got this tip from seeing Bom on Roommate😂

Or you can eat before you sleep, but you have to keep in mind that it'll not be the same as the suhoor right before Fajr. You might get hungry again when you wake up. Plus, delaying the suhoor is a sunnah.

Here are some simple but yummy (and also energizing) foods that you can prepare for suhoor.


2. For the girls: Use the calendar to track how many days of fasting you need to qada.

I used this tip for a few years already because I'm such a forgetful person. Every year, before Ramadan I'll get a little paranoid about whether I already qada all my fasting days or not. So to the other girls that have the same problem, I got you covered! I personally recommend using a period tracker app and don't forget to register and sync your account so you won't lose your information even when you change/format your phone.

Here is the app I use to track my period. It's cute and easy to use. In the second picture, the pink part shows how many days you're on your period so tracking how many days you should qada your fasting is easy peasy lemon squeezy😉

P/S: You can always use the usual calendar app or your own real calendar. It's up to you.



3. Some tips for the too busy people:

• The simplest tip: Do everything with the niat to make it ibadah. Whether you are cooking, walking, working, sleeping, if you do it with the niat for Allah, it will be counted as an ibadah, insya-Allah. As long as the thing you do isn't sinful lah.

05. Set a limit of money usage to buy foods for iftar when you go to bazaar.

People waste a lot of food during Ramadan because whenever they go to bazaar, they buy a lot of foods but during the iftar, they can't even finish half of the food they bought. Such a waste. Controlling your nafsu might be harder because you're hungry and you see a lot of foods, of course you'll want to eat and swallow all of them. Hence, in order to avoid wastage, set some amount of money that you'll use to buy foods for iftar. No addition. Just those amount of money. This way, you won't have to waste foods and money.


I hope that you guys will be able to use some of this tips and all of us can make the most out of this year's Ramadan🙌

Do you have other Ramadan tips you want to share? Feel free to comment down below💗