november favourites🧣🍂 | my favourite red vault song, anime and more

11.18.2021


I haven't written a post of my favourites for so long! I missed it so much. It's one of my favourite kinds of posts to write, actually. So people, how was your November? As I'm writing this, I'm one week away from my mid-term exams and two weeks away from my mid-semester break. I'm a third-year student now, doesn't time fly so fast? It seems like it's only yesterday that I started my foundation. Life has been understandably hectic, but so far, it's bearable. What gets me through this mentally-exhausting month is of course my family and so many other things that brought so much joy to me.


favourite thing #1: my youngest brother's hug!

A warm hug from a person you love goes a long way. My youngest brother is seven, and since he's still at a cute, pamper-able and hugable age, I'm not going to waste the time I have left to baby and pamper him and stuff. So now, every time I'm taking a little break from doing my assignments or revising, I go out of my room and go hug and baby him.


favourite thing #2: k-on!

I FREAKING LOVE THIS ANIME. Okay, it's not my favourite anime ever or even favourite of the year, but it brought so much joy to my inner child self. I didn't have a chance to watch this anime when I was a child, I think it was on Animax (?) and we didn't have that channel and I'm so grateful I got to watch it now that I'm older and everything is so accessible through the internet. This anime is the cutest thing ever, it made me pick my guitar up again and just radiates nothing but warmth and joy. It got me through the toughest week of November. On a side note, do recommend me any anime that has the same vibe as K-On, I tried starting another anime but kept failing😭


favourite thing #3: red (taylor's version) album

Red is one of my favourite albums from Taylor and I was just... so happy that I got to re-experience the album all over again with the addition of some song we haven't heard before! I was one of those Swifties that wanted nothing but to listen to the full version of All Too Well for years and THE 10 MINUTES VERSION DIDN'T DISAPPOINT AT ALL, AND IT'S EVEN ADDICTIVE. I can play only that song on repeat for a week and won't be bored of it. It's definitely is my favourite song off Red. However, if we're talking about the other From The Vault songs, my favourite is definitely Nothing New. That song👏🏻 Not gonna get into details, but it's just so relatable👏🏻


favourite thing #4: naturals tea tree pre-shampoo clay mask

I dyed my hair three times this year. I know some people who dyed a hell lot more times than I did in a year and although those people's scalps weren't affected so much, mine was affected. My scalp got so itchy all the freaking time and I wanted to wash my hair every day. Thanks to Naturals Tea Tree Pre-shampoo Clay Mask (no I'm not sponsored), my scalp is getting better. My scalp feels healthier and cleaner and I'll never stop using this product for my scalp.


favourite thing #5: cosmos album by my favourite man, b.i

Before I say anything, go stream Cosmos music video for clear skin! I mentioned his debut album a few months back in a post and during that time, I didn't expect his second album to come so fast. I was so happy when he announced this album. Music-wise, the songs in this album are actually very, very good. It's a no-skip album, and I'll be saying this even if I'm not a huge fan of him. As opposed to his first album, in this album, we're served with feel-good happy songs that make you feel like you're in love as well as some hip-hop songs with sick beats for you to hype yourself up with.

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The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern | Book Review

10.25.2021




BLURB: The circus arrives without warning. No announcements precede it. It is simply there, when yesterday it was not. Within the black-and-white striped canvas tents is an utterly unique experience full of breathtaking amazements. It is called Le Cirque des Rêves, and it is only open at night.

But behind the scenes, a fierce competition is underway—a duel between two young magicians, Celia and Marco, who have been trained since childhood expressly for this purpose by their mercurial instructors. Unbeknownst to them, this is a game in which only one can be left standing, and the circus is but the stage for a remarkable battle of imagination and will. Despite themselves, however, Celia and Marco tumble headfirst into love—a deep, magical love that makes the lights flicker and the room grow warm whenever they so much as brush hands.

True love or not, the game must play out, and the fates of everyone involved, from the cast of extraordinary circus performers to the patrons, hang in the balance, suspended as precariously as the daring acrobats overhead.

Written in rich, seductive prose, this spell-casting novel is a feast for the senses and the heart (Goodreads).

The circus arrives without warning. No announcements precede it. It is simply there, when yesterday it was not. Within the black-and-white striped canvas tents is an utterly unique experience full of breathtaking amazements. It is called Le Cirque des Rêves, and it is only open at night.

Title: The Night Circus
Author: Erin Morgenstern
Genre: Young Adult, Magical Realism, Historical Fiction
Goodreads rating: 4.03
Pages: 490
Publication: September 13th 2011 by Vintage Books, Random House
Source: Preloved Carousell
Book links: Book Depository | Amazon | Google Books
Reading format: Paperback
Review type: Non-spoilery
review
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

OHHHHHH OH OH THIS BOOK IS SO BEAUTIFUL, THIS IS THE MOST BRILLIANT BOOK I'VE EVER READ, MY FAVOURITE MAGICAL REALISM BOOK EVER, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO READ IT. I'm speechless. I don't know what to say, my brain is gone. What I'm currently feeling is totally indescribable. It's not possible to write a review that does justice for this book.

This book is so hauntingly beautiful and magical in ways that have never been done by all the magics I've read about before. It's a fairytale with a haunting vibe I can never describe. The ending of this story made me feel the way I felt when I watched the final episode of The Haunting of Hill House; those bittersweet and other kinds of feeling. The prose was so beautiful but it didn't confuse me even a bit. I did sometimes get confused when the circus performances were described but none of them was truly un-understandable. Everything was magic in this book that I want to go to Le Cirque des Rêves just to witness the magic happen with my own eyes.

I was truly scared that I wasn't going to like this book at first-, because I felt like the first 100 pages were a bit slow-paced. However, as I was reading the book, I saw that the slow pace was needed for the world-building, in order to truly suck the readers into the story as it proceeded. I grew to not mind the pacing so much because the writing was so beautiful and I was so sucked in that it felt like I was dreaming as I watch these things happen in the book.

The finest of pleasures are always the unexpected ones.

The characters were, needless to say, the most wonderful characters. Despite this book being not exactly character-driven (but compared to plot-driven, it's more character-driven), which is usually the main reason I like a book, all of the characters still find their way to be glued to my heart. I love all of them. They are all magical beings to me. Although there were so many characters, I wasn't confused with who's who at all, since each of the characters was characterized with unique qualities, so they were really easily distinguished. But the main character wasn't one of the characters, but the circus itself. Like I said, the story was magical and it was mainly because of how full of life the circus was (which is a weird thing to say about inanimate stuff). It captivated me and left me with this longing of wanting to be one of the lucky people who get to visit the place.
You may tell a tale that takes up residence in someone's soul, becomes their blood and self and purpose. That tale will move them and drive them and who knows what they might do because of it, because of your words.
I won't recommend this book to people who want a fast-paced read but I will recommend it to people who want to be captivated by beautiful prose with a detailed narrative, whimsical stories, who wants a dreamy read, fantastic world-building and a book that touches your soul.
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the non-existent art of self-comparison

9.26.2021


There's no benefit in comparing ourselves to others. Anyone can argue "but comparing myself to others help in motivating myself to be better!" and maybe there's a part of me that still agree with that argument because I used to whole-heartedly believe in that as a child, but at the end of the day, I know how short-lived a motivation that stemmed from self-comparison is. At the end of the day, you'll beat yourself up because you'll never be at the place where you want to be because where you want to be is where that other person is in their life. 


I guess, people my age are more prone to this. And maybe this feeling will still be there by the time we reach 30 or even 40 years old. With this pandemic and staying home a lot, I'm always with my phone and despite my decreasing screen-time, I'm still able to keep myself up to date with some people's (that I adore) lives. I'm just scared that I'll never grow out of this feeling because it's such a toxic feeling for myself and toxic for my relationship with people/things that I love.

Every single time I discover something new to love, the I'm-so-in-love-with-this-thing-I'll-talk-to-everyone-about-it phase only lasts for 3 months maximum and then I'll distance myself from that thing because that's usually the time I would see how many people also love the same thing and I would feel that I don't love that thing enough, as much as them, to even be in the same big circle as them. And that sucks because I know that nothing in this life is ever a competition, life is not a race, I preach those things when my friends come to me with that same feeling but what if deep in my heart, I don't believe the same for myself?

I feel this very same feeling for blogging, heck even the simple act of reading and fangirling, studying and I hate it the most when I feel it in any of my relationships. I sometimes say to myself "but you're just 20, it's normal to feel this way and slowly grow out of it" to calm myself down, which never actually works lol because what if this is still how I feel about everything after 10 years? And is this feeling even real? Humans always change, evolve to be better people. That's just how humanity should work, so should I always try to be better in everything? But none of this is a race, though? Is trying to be better = trying to win a race? 

Maybe, the key to cope with this feeling is just understanding that not everything is a competition, you don't have to be better at everything and for some things, it's okay to just simply love doing them and there is no such thing as 'better' when it comes to those things. I'm still learning a lot about things in life and myself and I'm not quite where I want to be in my coping with this feeling yet, but I hope I grow more and more each day to stop comparing myself so much to other people.
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Misfit in Love by S.K. Ali | Book Review

9.01.2021


BLURB: Janna Yusuf is so excited for the weekend: her brother Muhammad’s getting married, and she’s reuniting with her mom, whom she’s missed the whole summer.

And Nuah’s arriving for the weekend too. Sweet, constant Nuah. The last time she saw him, Janna wasn’t ready to reciprocate his feelings for her. But things are different now. She’s finished high school, ready for college…and ready for Nuah.

It’s time for Janna’s (carefully planned) summer of love to begin—starting right at the wedding.

But it wouldn’t be a wedding if everything went according to plan. Muhammad’s party choices aren’t in line with his fiancée’s taste at all, Janna’s dad is acting strange, and her mom is spending more time with an old friend (and maybe love interest?) than Janna. And Nuah’s treating her differently.

Just when things couldn’t get more complicated, two newcomers—the dreamy Haytham and brooding Layth—have Janna more confused than ever about what her misfit heart really wants.

Janna’s summer of love is turning out to be super crowded and painfully unpredictable (Goodreads).

Throughout our lives, pain visits us in turns. There isn't a human alive that hasn't been touched by pain. We all carry scars and wounds, but only some rise to the surface to be seen and commented on. Simply put, the story of pain is common to us all.

Title: Misfit in Love
Author: S.K. Ali
Genre: Young Adult, Contemporary, Realistic Fiction, Romance
Goodreads rating: 4.00
Pages: 301
Publication: 2021 by Simon & Schuster
Source: MPH Online
Book links: Book Depository | Amazon | Google Books
Reading format: Paperback
Review type: Non-spoilery
review
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I should just say that S.K. Ali is one of my favourite authors by now. She always manages to craft a lighthearted, fun story with some important discussions in her book and I will always love her for that. This is a sequel to her debut, Saints and Misfits which was one of my favourite books of all time. In this book, we enter Janna's story again; her brother, Muhammad is finally getting married and she might start her own love story after all! Compared to the first book, the topics in this book were much lighter and the vibe was much more fun. I highly anticipated this one, not just because I loved the first book but also because this sets around a wedding, AND I LOVE BOOKS ABOUT WEDDING because with weddings come chaotic fun and huge familial themes that will make me smile and laugh, and we've established that I love me some good laughings.
Let there be all kinds of love. And taking first steps. And changing my world.
Yes, romance is one of the subgenres of this book. Yes, it revolves around love. But it's so much more than that (which is always the case with S.K. Ali's books). I thought it was only going to be another cute halal romance as I saw in her second book, Love From A to Z. I would not say that this is a romantic book per se, but relationships and love were discussed, and in a much deeper way than I expected. We follow Janna as she tried to start 'something' with Nuah, which has been one of her closest friends and also gets to know dreamy Haytham and brooding Layth. Sounds like a love triangle drama, but I promise you, it wasn't. But there were a lot of other dramas, mainly familial, which was everything I wanted (seem diabolical but I WASN'T, OKAY).

Besides the drama in Janna's love life, she was also dealing with her mother finding love after divorce and her father's prejudice towards Nuah. This book also discusses racism, eurocentrism, prejudice across cultures in the Muslim community, which I don't personally see a lot.

I was a Nuah-Janna shipper since book 1, so it was so disheartening when I saw that ship slowly dissolve in this book. But it was also fun getting to know Layth and Haytham; at one point, I wasn't sure who I shipped Janna with😂 The Janna's love life plotline was very well-crafted, in my opinion. Some people argued that young teens that read this might get more confused about love while reading this, but I think that's the whole point. LOVE IS CONFUSING, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE A TEENAGER. You won't know what you want from the get-go. You might think you like someone, and then question your feelings for them after getting to know someone else. You might like someone and thought they also share the same feeling for you but you did not end up together. Love, lust, admiration are interchangeable especially in the teenage phase of one's life, and in Janna's case, she reached the perfect conclusion, which is summed up in the quote below:
But, I ask my stupid heart, do you actually like him in that way?
No, I don't, my stupid heart answers. He's cute but we're on different wavelengths.
Then why make a narrative, a love story, a world in your head? If your heart isn't officially ready to participate in one in real life?

I can relate, Janna, I can relate. And I'm sure a lot of teenagers and young adults can too. Why force a love story just for the sake of having a love story, if you're not actually ready?

NGL I had a little epiphany moment when I was reading those lines.
As mentioned above, the discussion of prejudice across cultures in the Muslim community was constantly shown in the book. The most apparent one was, of course, the prejudice of one of Janna's family members towards her love interest, Nuah, which was a Black Muslim. The root of the prejudice across cultures, how common it actually is, the way people avoid the discussion of racism when it is done by the closest ones were discussed and described very nicely from conversations between Janna and Nuah, another separate discussion with her mom, and discussions with the other characters. It makes me think whether I can see a similar pattern happening in my own culture (yes it does, and I have to learn more about this to stop being blind).

To sum it up, I love this book so much, as much as I loved the first one although this one was much more fun for me due to the wedding setting. I cried a few times, laughed a lot, felt very seen, loved the ending and everything. I would give every star in the world to this book if I could.

Recommended for people who love: a story set around a wedding, self-discovery of a teenager trying to find love, accurate Muslim representation, a diverse set of characters with diverse representations of Muslims, heavy familiar theme and loveable characters.
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five things tag

7.18.2021

I was thinking about posting the same old life update but to be honest, nothing really happened within the last few months except that I went through with my fourth semester and am now currently confined to my house because of lockdown 3.0. So here's a 5 things tag I got from Eva. But firstly, here's a Gina Linetti gif that sums up my current mental condition:


Source: Buzzfeed


5 things you'll find in my purse

  • My wallet
  • My phone
  • Micellar water
  • A backup face mask
  • Hand sanitiser


5 things you'll find in my bedroom

  • MY RECENTLY BOUGHT WATERFALL ALBUM BY B.I!
  • My cactus, Zuko
  • My Kayman skincare products. I've been using their product for almost 2 years now and although my skin isn't flawless (yet), all of their products are my holy grail.
  • A book I'm currently reading: The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness
  • A mini microphone for my bedroom karaoke session that I told my mom I bought for my video assignments


5 things I've always wanted to do

  • Travel overseas
  • Make a vlog
  • Watch a live musical (Broadway especially)
  • Make a pie based on Waitress
  • Dye my hair purple like Olivia O'Brien's hair during her Was It Even Real era.
Source: Ones to Watch


5 things that make me feel happy

  • Video chat with my family
  • Going outside even just to do groceries shopping
  • Watching Colleen Ballinger's vlogs (SHE'S PREGNANT WITH TWINS GUYS THAT'S EXCITING)
  • Getting updates from my ultimate favourite k-pop boy B.I
  • Managed to finish my fourth semester of university, Alhamdulillah


5 things I'm currently into

  • High School Musical: The Musical: The Series. I didn't plan to watch this show at all. As a kid, I was more of a Camp Rock girl compared to High School Musical. However, I had been listening to Sour by Olivia Rodrigo nonstop and got curious about this show and guess what... I'm hooked! This is one of the few shows about high school that I will recommend to minors. It's clean, non-problematic and I think very relatable even for me haha.
  • Loki! I just finished the series a few days ago and I was super mindblown! My theories about the conclusion to the show were all way off. I so want to give the show a 10/10 rating but there were some problematic things about the show that all fans really feared would happen, happened. However, I'm still very excited about the second season.
  • Lizzy McAlpine's breathtaking music; my current favourites are In Agreement and I Don't Know You At All but it changes every day hehe.

  • OMG BLACK WIDOW! I'm such a sucker for a found family trope that every single scene made me want to gush with excitement. The actors' performances were so great in here and I think I might have some girl crush on Florence Pugh now <3
  • Brooklyn Nine-Nine. I'm rewatching the show before the final season comes out.

 



 




5 things on my to-do list

  • Finish the books I'm currently reading
  • Write a book review of the book I finished after 3 freaking months
  • Plan our iftar meal for Arafah Day tomorrow
  • Open a package that I ordered from Kamelia Cosmetics. Their foundation is to die for. It's exactly how they promoted it: lightweight with medium coverage and gives a glowy finishing without making your face looks too oily.
  • Finish doing laundry

And with that, I end this post. May we all (especially my fellow Malaysians) can get through this trying time and be able to find joy through the littlest things. Please stay safe and take care of yourself and the people around you. To my fellow Muslims that are celebrating Eid al-Adha soon, eid Mubarak! To Malaysians who need help or want to help, you can go to kitajaga.co. For people who are looking for someone to talk to, you can contact me via Instagram or go to befrienders website.
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ramadan mubarak!

4.18.2021


Hi everyone! And Ramadan Mubarak to all my Muslim sisters and brothers. It has been so long since I last posted and I do miss writing here. I still write a lot, but most of them I kept for only me to look at. I'm at that point in my life where I don't really know which part of my thoughts should I share. I want to share both the bad and the good in my life but I'm still trying to figure out where the line is so for now, I'm just playing it safe and write everything for myself. It helps a lot!


I can't believe it's Ramadan 2021 already?! Time is passing by so fast, I'm actually genuinely scared and nervous. So far, my Ramadan has been going... great I guess? I only got to fast for the first day and the night after the first iftar, my body decided to say TADA. Really looking forward to the end of this so that I can go through with my Ramadan plan.


At the same time, my Ramadan this year is so different from the previous years, given that I'm currently living alone. My university made it obligatory for people who have labs to go back to campus for this semester and that includes me. And since my university offered the option for people to be non-resident and live off-campus, I decided to just stay at a nearby family's house that is usually empty. 


So I basically do everything on my own now, food planning for the whole Ramadan, cooking for suhoor and iftar, buying groceries et cetera et cetera, you know, the usual stuff. I'm just saying, kudos to all moms out there, BECAUSE THIS THING LOOKS SO SIMPLE BUT ACTUALLY IS SO EXHAUSTING. I'm literally just frying my chicken wings and fishes using an air fryer and cook some simple vegetable dish like 60% of the days but it's still exhausting? I don't even make dessert? How did my mom do this? How did my mom manage to cook 2 main dishes, 1 side dishes and 1 to 2 kind of desserts every day with very limited time and energy? 


I miss my family a lot this year. Last year, since we were so cramped up in the house, with my two little brothers always ALWAYS fighting with each other and the chaos in the house, I sometimes found it annoying to iftar together. Well now, if possible, I want to iftar with them every day via video call HAHA. You only miss something when you can't have it anymore.


All things aside, I'm wishing a blessed Ramadan for all my Muslim sisters and brothers and a nice month to others! May only good things happen to us and may every bad thing that happens only make our hearts grow stronger instead of the opposite. 


If you're looking for some Ramadan tips, you may read my previous Ramadan posts!

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panicking over turning twenty

2.16.2021

Okay, to be honest, the draft of this post was created on January 16th, which was 5 days after my birthday. Then, I got so busy with assignments due dates and presentations since it was the last month before our final exam week which, in the end, brought me to today. I don't even remember what I originally planned to write, 20-year-old who? I have the same memorizing ability as a 60-year-old. 


There is this huge stigma to turning twenty and it's only natural that I'm scared now. I feel like I haven't really changed a lot from the 16-year-old me. I mean, I did change so much, but did I grow enough to fit as a 20-year-old? It scares me a lot when I think about the fact that I'm really 20 now. I keep thinking about how my 25-year-old self is nearer than my 5-year-old self and to think that I have so many to achieve within these 5 years already exhausts me HAHA. I'm a 20-year-old girl/woman who still fangirls over fictional characters and men in bands, for God's sake :') I'm not saying that all 20-year-olds are not supposed to like men in bands or be fangirls anymore but AM I REALLY READY FOR MY TWENTIES?! DO I HAVE THE RIGHT MATURITY AND MENTAL STATE TO BE IN MY TWENTIES?! I DON'T THINK SO?! Sometimes I feel like I'm older than my age but when I'm physically saying that I'm 20, I can't believe that I'm this old already (old here is not referring to 'old', if you know what I mean hehe, it just means that I can't believe that I'm at this age already).


I'm leaving university in 2 years and I'm supposed to find a real job, a real, real one to put foods in my mouth (and my family's mouths), pay taxes (omg) and really be independent then but currently, inside, I'm just a girl/woman who wants to be on my bed all day long watching Netflix :') I'm pretty sure that's not the right mentality to get through my twenties HAHA😭 There are plenty of "what ifs" in my mind but let's not talk about that right now or else I'm gonna weep.




I'm sure I'll figure it out and I'll survive because that's just how life works but right now, this is how I feel. I'm happy that I have a lot of things to look forward to but more than that, I'm scared of what's to come. It has been a month since I turned 20 and yet I still haven't get a grasp on the fact that I'm no longer 18. Welp.

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