something I wrote the day I turned 18


When there were only 3 of us instead of 5. 

We were running down the hill,
side by side.
Our waves of laughter echoed through the place,
our minds synced together.
I was scared but you took my hand,
saying "I'll be here" and I was okay again.
So tell me, 
when did your courage and gauntness go away?

I remember our little rendezvous;
the three of us.
I was the little princess who insisted on always tagging along, annoying you.
Our sneakings were our adventures;
always getting us into trouble and getting scolded later,
yet in our togetherness, 
we were happy.
So tell me, where did our happiness go?

We dreamed so high.
no one could touch us up there.
We were floating,
the buoyant force pumped up and up by our loved ones.
The thought of falling down never crossed our minds.
Through naivety,
we went higher.
So tell me, what chased the innocence away?

Tell me,
where did our past selves go to?
Is there any remnant of it left in here?
Is there any remnant of younger you in you now?
Were you left with only disappointment and resentment,
you couldn't see any good in reminiscing the past?

Tell me,
tell me,
tell me.
Sometimes at night,
I miss my old self and I miss your old self.
Do you ever miss your old self?
Do you ever miss me at all?
Because I miss you,
today, yesterday and the days before.
I miss you,
no matter what kind of person you turn out to be now.
I miss you,
both old and new you.

And then there were 2. My obsession with Kuch Kuch Hota Hai explains my hair.


I turned 18 last Friday, alhamdulillah. It was a happy day. People I love wished me good things, made me smile and laugh a lot. There was no huge celebration but I did go home for 2 days and ate some cakes hehe. It was nice. I wrote that thing above when I was in the car, on my way home. It was late at night. I was sleepy, emotional from all the songs I listened to and I thought about some childhood friends and the time when my siblings and I were still just kids. I also watched Wonder so that added up to my emotional-ness. 

I guess I just miss my old friends and mostly my childhood. I miss the time I played with my brothers without a single care about the world. Now that we're older, there are a lot of things in our minds. We are not as carefree as we were and truthfully, I don't think we can be as happier as we were when we were children. Happiness is always accompanied by at least a tiny bit of fear. I just miss the time when happy means happy, 100% just happiness and no fear or whatsoever blocking us to enjoy the happiness we had.

I miss a lot of things but my birthday was a happy day and that is what matters the most.

And pssst.. happy new year guys! I wish good and happy things happen to you this year and you can get through any kind of madness. Choose happiness and positivity, take care of yourself and be nice to people. 

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