don't wish for something you don't really know | a vent


Because wishing for something you don't know is like wishing for something when you only see the shadow, not the object. (picture credit)

One day, I did some venting with some of my friends. It was hard for me, as I tend to bottle every feelings I have inside and I have a trust issue. I was talking about my problems when one of my friends said:

"You have everything that most of us (people who live in hostel) want. You live at home, you have a lot of time, you have your family with you, you have almost everything we want. Some of us want your life."

Of course, what she said at first made me really mad. Mad, sad and the you-don't-know-how-it's-like feeling. For a while, I regretted telling them anything. It seemed as if they weren't listening at all. To be very honest, when I think about what they said, until this day, I still feel disappointed. I can't even be angry because some people are just not made to be a good listener. I was the one who chose them to vent to. I should have prepare for any comments they might give, instead of expecting them to just listen. 

I know I should be grateful for what I have. I am thankful. Like they said, I live at home instead of hostel. I have the time to study and do what I want. I have the chance to spend a lot more time with my family. I can be happier. I mean, that's what they see. I am thankful for what I have, but I don't have everything that they said. I do have the time to study but I don't have the perfect surrounding to study. I should have a chance to spend time with my family but my other family members don't have time for me. I can do what I love but I can't do anything when my mind is always, always, always somewhere else. 

These people saying they want my life when they don't even know what I face every single day. They don't know about my anxiety issue, they don't know anything and they want my life. They don't know that there are a lot of times I wish that I go to school somewhere far away from home so that my heart can be at ease. They don't know how sometimes I wish that I could bear living at the hostel longer than I did. They don't know that sometimes, I wish that I can live the way they're living so that I can be carefree. 

So people, my point is, don't ever wish for something you don't really know. Imagine yourself choosing a pet based on its shadow, not knowing what kind of animal it is, how does it really looks like and saying "oh I want this animal to be my pet! its shadow looks cute!" wouldn't you look stupid? And worse, when you really get that pet, it's actually not that cute? I hope you get my point.

Pypaa. xoxo

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