mixed feelings about going to school


Currently listening to: Youth - Shawn Mendes

The UPU result was announced on May 21st and alhamdulillah, I got the first option I applied for, which was Universiti Malaysia Sabah (UMS) Science Foundation. I was happy, but I was confused too. I was supposed to go to Labuan Matriculation College the next day, and I prepared everything already, I paid for everything, it was tiring and I just didn't want to start over again. However, after I think about it again and again, I decided to just go to UMS. It's close to home, introduce me to uni life, the good things about going there outweigh the bad ones.

Hence, I'm going to school again on June 20th. Excited? Of course I am. I've been doing nothing at home aside from what I said in my last post. It gets boring and I feel so unproductive no matter what I do. I miss the busy life as a student though it's tiring. I'm excited about meeting new people, living at dorm, studying at a university, being near to a mall (because there's no mall at my hometown), living in a city, and just studying again. The thought of studying again puts a new spirit in me.

These days though, I'm more scared and nervous than excited. First of all, because I'm gonna be studying math again. I was truly traumatized by the add math question on SPM last year, no exaggerating. When I was answering the questions, I felt like I was so stupid and I never learned anything about add math when I already spent almost 2 years learning add math. Although I never make a mental note to study math again, I was traumatized enough that it still haunts me today.

The other reason I'm scared is, I'm afraid if I start to hate science when I'm studying it. To be honest, when I was applying for UPU, I was torn between TESL and science foundation. I love English language, everything about it. I love learning it, I love writing and reading. When I started 2017, I was only thinking about applying for TESL after SPM. And then there's science. I've been learning science for 2 years, it was so hard when I wasn't really interested on science to begin with. However, I managed to get a good result for my science subjects and an okay result for my add math. My ambition also changes from time to time and the job I want always revolves around science. My parents also convinced me that even if I don't learn English, I can still write. Maybe that convinced me to further my study in science.

But hey, people say that being nervous isn't bad, it just means something important is happening. So maybe me being nervous isn't that bad, right?

Pypaa. xo


  1. you are going to love the uni life. so much excitements await. rindunya nak balik zaman belajar. kalaula belajar itu satu pekerjaan akak sanggup dik =)

    1. I'm excited tapi nervous jugak hehe. I'm sure I'm going to love it :)

  2. Goodluck with your uni life! i love ur blog!


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